I hate you. I hate you for making me love you. I hate you for leading me on. I hate you for lying to me about everything you’ve ever said. I hate you for telling me you were different, when you were far from it. I hate you for making me believe you would always be there for me. I hate you for leaving me. I hate you for leaving me when I needed you most. I hate you for breaking our trust. I hate you for always blaming me. I hate you for assuming your in charge of our relationship. I hate you for hiding so much from me. I hate you for never telling me how you really felt. I hate you for talking to other girls while talking to me. I hate you for telling that other girl you love her. I hate you for never being the one to text me first. I hate you for not caring about the little things I love. I hate you for not caring. I hate you for not trying. I hate you for not caring enough to try. I hate you for being so selfish. I hate you for only caring about what you wanted, never what I wanted. I hate you for only doing what was best for you, not me. I hate you for not saving us. I hate you I hate you I hate you.

(Source: lost-inmyownmind, via hyemifuckingkim)

Keep seeing you at school. It’s just hard. And every once in a while, I would still cry over you.. But I hate to tell myself that I can’t be with you anymore. As much as I’m missing you like crazy, I can’t be with you.. Stay well dongwook

I guess tumble is the only way that I can express my real feelings without many people knowing. That’s why I never tell Facebook people about my tumblr. Although I know some of you will see this and tell other people.

My tears dropped down tonight by looking at those wall pictures I have with you. I blamed myself for getting over you so fast. I hate my self for hurting you now. I just can’t help but wanted to apologize to you for everything. Should I say I miss you? Well, I do miss you. I miss how we used to do things together. I’m not very used to not talk to you for at least a few times a day. But life goes on, and it moves forward. We can’t really move backward because who knows you might end up at a wrong place again? I don’t know anymore. I wish I could be with you now but I can’t. It’s just everything I think of your name I started to tear up and afraid one day we won’t be friends although we can’t be lovers. I’m very afraid… I thought I was completely over you, but thinking and tearing up like this, am I really over you!

Here I go again, tears are dropping down.. What is really wrong with me?

I`m sorry, I love you.

Right when I moved on to another relationship, my ex asked me back. What can my answer be? If he asked me 3 months ago, I would definitely say yes.. but now everythings too late.. Last night at tigs, I saw him, he pulled me away and wanted to talk to me.. and said I`m so sorrrrrrrrrry.. can we please get back togegther? I really miss you… My answer was I`m sorry but it`s all too late.. We were both crying.. I bursted out my tears wanting to get back with him but it`s all too late.. I did love him.. he was my first love. I wish that what he said last night was from 3 months ago .. because then we would still be toether.. I`m so sorry brian. I hope you find a good girlfreind in the future. I will still love and care about you <3

Anyways, I have started a new relationship with this korean boy. Oh god, he fell for me so hard and so fast that I am starting to fall for him more and more each day. It’s ridiculous how things can end between us. We started off as stranger, then he liked me a lot, he would give me texts everyday saying I miss you babe, I want to see you.. and before I would just be like.. oh really? cool.. never really say i love you to him and until just couple weeks ago.. I found out something super interesting.. that made me start to fall for him.. and now i`m in <3 I think..

bogoshippuhh

I still miss him constantly.. whenever he talks to me, i get so excited and sad at the same time. Excited and happy because we still have this really good relationship between us. sad because we can’t be lovers no more :( 

miss you..

Just a month ago, we were talking about how during our summer vacation, we should go to california to universal studio, disneyland…somewhere nice and romantic where we can stay away from home a little bit.. but who knew, everything would happen so sudden…everything that I have waited for and wished for.. are gone now.. it’s all gone and it’ll never happened to me…. maybe in my dream when us two are still falling in love with each other.. but when i wake up, it’ll all be different </3

i miss you .. .

officially employed at Bank of America..

took forever, but i’m glad i finally have a real job!! 

I will be working at the Factoria branch, heard that’s a busy branch. Haha

beeen almost 3 weeks since we broke up.. pepople ask me how i feel? 

i actually feel okay now that we broke up for a while now.. of course i’m not completely over for a new relatonship, but i am okay now. i am a strong girl.. i thought of going to his house and ask him back.. but i never had the courage to do so, and as time goes on.. it makes me feel lazy to do it more.. maybe my body is telling me not to do it because if i do it ill get hurt again.. sigh.. 

but..

it’s a good feeling knowing that we still talk once a week to catch up with each other, i guess after couples break up, the best thing to do is to just be friends.. and i am doing exactly right! i hope he’s good :) 

is this really happening?

Is this really happening to me right now? We really ended our relationship for good. If I wasn’t being a demanding, bitchy, stubborn girlfriend sometimes, then we probably would’ve still been together. If I wasn’t pushing him that night to tell him what happen, then we probably wouldn’t break up this soon or still been together. 

Sigh, so many would’ve and should’ve.. It’s too late to regret things now. You can never expect things like this to happen. like seriously, expect the unexpected. It was really really really hard to make him try to come out to even talk to me and tell me the real reason of this break up. I really do miss him.. and I tried to not cry.. but I just burst out all of my tears in front of him. “We’re still friends right? He said Sure! and tears started to fall down again.. before he left, I asked him, “Can I get one big hug?” He said, “Yeah” and we hugged. It was the longest/saddest hug ever.. because I know that will be last hug ever I will receive from him and I probably won’t see him that much anymore.. knowing that I am not going to see him anymore, and knowing that..I won’t be hearing him say I love you I miss you, bri bri, ping ping, all that cute stuff from him.. It was soooooooooooooooooooooooo hard to even imagine my self being stuck back in that situation. All I can do now is to move on.. and pray him that he’ll be good to whereever he’s going to next, which is the army… he will always be in my heart, he will (in a while) always be someone that I had really truly enjoyed spending and being time with the most (besides family). I just want to say that one last time that before it is too late.. you were truly a good boyfriend, I enjoyed spending every single minutes and seconds with you..although you have torn all the pictures away of me so that you can forget me.. but you can’t forget the memories of us.. of being together for this long.. i love you bri bri.. <3 see you soon. 

再見亦是朋友 < that’s how we’re like now. 

04/17/2011

he left me.. ” thanks for all the great memories… ” and seperated..

all the tears are killing me.. but what can i do? cry that he’ll come back to me? 1 year and 3 months may not seem long to other people.. but it is kinda long for me… 

will i be able to hear you say “i love you” again..? 

stupid accident, hate my life sometimes.

Last thursday, I got into a car accident on i405. After the accident happened, I thought back at what happened, and there were so many things I could’ve done to avoid that stupid accident. I could’ve down shift on my gear or pull into the slower or the carpool lane to avoid that shit. But seriously, it’s hard to react that way when it comes to unexpected things like that. I hated myself for shifting to neutral when i was slowing down because my dad told me million times that, “do not ever shift to neutral when you’re going down the hill or slow down unless you’re almost about at a complete stop.” and that’s what I was doing, my stupid self shifted to neutral while I was going like about 40 MPH and had to make a sudden stop. OF COURSE IT AIN’T GONAN STOP ALL THE WAY. I don’t understand why people in America or at least all of my friends who also drive a manual shift to manual when they go down the hill and such. It’s seriously such a dangerous act, and I seriously do not recommand people who do it. Because I swear shifting to N won’t really help you or have the power to stop, and I kinda do believe that.. because for a couple times, I did shift to N when I was going about 60 MPH and going down hill, and I also did shift to a GEAR when I was going about 60 MPH and going down the hill, and seriosuly shifting to a gear while you’re going down DOES MORE POWER at stopping than in N.. 

Rather or not, I’m so mad mad mad mad at myself. My dad tried to fix the car now and at first it was okay and now.. I dont even know if it’s okay anymore or needa bring it to the shop anymore..

FUCK. I seriously did learn my lesson and will not follow cars too closed anymore. Oh yeah I also got a fucking ticket for FOLLOWINNG TOO CLOSE. Honestly police officer, nigga I wasn’t really following too close, U weren’t there and u don’t knw the real situation. Gosh I hate police officers so fucking much. HATE U for giving me a ticket. 

It’s been a weeek and I still can’t really set that accident aside and think about other stuff. I will alwyas think about the accident when I pass by that exit and that place.. T________T

at the end, I wanan thank mom and dad for always being so considerate unlike some fucking people. As I was heading to work, I texted my manager and told him I got into an accident and he said, ” Okay just come to work whenever you can.” Once I got everything settled down, I called him and said, ” Uh yah I dont feel liek coming to work because I dont have the mood too, and yeah the accident was my fault.” His ass replied, ” Okay.. .  okay… YUP!” I was so heated at how he wasn’t being considerate at me, and I’m mad becuase me and him are closed and he’s like my brother, but without him asking if i was okay and stuff, I was pissed off at him. But whateverrrr shiiiieeeeeeet. I gotta go. GREAT, MY INSURANCE IS GONAN GO FUCKING UP. 

me and boo boo are thinking about going to california this spring break to disneyland, universal studios, shopping, eat, and just enjoy time being out of seattle!

I can’t wait.. still looking at tickets.. gosh, why are they so expensive? :( 

Mad prayers going to japan <3

It really breaks my heart to see earthquakes happening in japan almost every single month, and seeing people dieing and stuff. But this time is foreals, 8.9 earthquake seems so SHOCKING AND SCARING. I guess people in Japan are really used to the earthquakes, but tsunami coming along.. just seems like a big mess.. it seems so unreal. Is 2012 really coming to us? Are we all going to die? *sighhhhh.

Really praying for those people in Japan.. I hope you guys don’t give up.. I’m sure a lot of prayers are coming to you guys and you guys will have a brighter day very soon! 

<3 <3 <3 <3